3 weeks and 1 day

Wow! Time is flying!  Yesterday Cooper was 3 weeks old, and he continues to be as sweet, and easy, and constipated as ever! 
  I started re-reading BabyWise and realize that I need to stop rocking him to sleep before every nap, but it is sure hard when I adore him so darn much, and don't want to miss a single moment.  It's also hard when we live with G & G, who both love to get there hands on him, and consider it 100% success to get him to fall asleep in their arms or snuggled against their chest.... HOW CAN I PROTEST????
    I am also gearing myself up to start putting him down for a few naps in his actual "bedroom" (ie- in his crib in my parents food storage room) before he gets used to NOT being in there...but he's such a good baby and never cries, that I'm afraid I won't hear him when he wakes up and starts grunting and mewling.  Seriously, that's how chill he is.  I'm thinking at least for a few months I can actually put his monitor in his crib, because it's cordless, and he can't grab it anyway.  I haven't gotten up the desire to put him in there yet, but it is my goal this week!  We also need to start putting him to bed in there before he starts ro realize that he and Dave and I are all roommates, and gets too cozy with the idea!
  Jaxon still loves Cooper to death, and still acts out occasionally like a normal 6 year old that has a new sibling would. I have found that if I can spend just 20-30 minutes with just him, it doesn't even matter if we are playing or cleaning etc, he is SO MUCH BETTER! Also, as much as I have adored living here at my parents house, I WILL NOT MISS having cable.  Jaxon has been watching altogether too much TV for my taste, but there is not so much I can do about it right now.  When we move to our new house (assuming all goes through as planned) it should be mid November or beginning of December.  Perfect weather to play at the park across the street, or jump on the tramp in the back yard, or ride bikes/scooters with cousins that live two streets down! I CAN'T WAIT FOR HIM TO HAVE THOSE OPTIONS!!!
  This post was not particularly informative, and I'm sure I have more to write, but Coop is grunting, and that's my que!

Slowly but surely

Another week has passed and Cooper is now 15 days old! That is NOT what is going slowly! It is going TOO FAST!!!!  We are loving every minute with him, and I don't think there was ever a more calm, chill, easy going baby born to this planet.  WE ADORE HIM!
  What is slow and sure is that we are getting closer to "normal around here! Yesterday Coop had his 2 week apt.  He was one ounce from being back to birth weight and that is great.  He's still struggling to poo so we got the go ahead to give him a little prune juice everyday.  I gave him an ounce this morning, and sure enough, 2 hours later he had a blow out- HURRAY! (yes, I am excited about a blow out!!!)
    I also had my first drs. apt. where everything looked good and I got the green light to drive as soon as I feel up to it.  I'm still pretty tired and sore, but I think I will venture out soon!  It was so fun to be in my drs office with Cooper, because all of the ladies from the front desk, scheduling, the nurses, and the ultrasound tech all came to see him and oooh and aaahhh over him.  I loved it!  And I really really like the ladies at my drs office!
    Then we had to take Cooper for his blood test, and by the time we were done with all 3 of those things, and had been gone from the house for over 4 hours, we were both exhausted and ready to BE HOME!  We got home, had a quick lunch and both of us konked out for 2 hours before Jaxon got home!
  Last night after dinne we all went on a "Family walk"  It was wonderful. I pushed Coop in the stroller, and Dave helped Jax on his bike.  Towards the end Jaxon got frustrated and ran into the house yelling that he was never going on a family walk again, but really all-in-all, I would call it a success!  It is nice to be able to do things with Jaxon again.  He is so much less defiant when he can tell I am completely focused on him. That will be a good thing to continue to keep in mind.
  Dave is working later and later as it is his busy season, but is not super late yet.  I am grateful though to be here at mom and dads, because everyone is tired at the end of the day, and without some other adults here to help and with Dave working, I can tell I would have a lot less patience and energy on my own!
  This morning Coop and I ventured out together for the first time alone! We went on the world's slowest walk.  We made it around the whole neighborhood once in exactly a half hour! I was pretty sore, but it felt good to be out in the sunshine (if not the heat....) enjoying my boy and the scenery! We are going to make that a daily routine!
  That's it for now, and we are good, GREAT!!!!

One week at home

Well here we are! Friday around noon and all is quiet on the home front.  Jaxon is at school, Grandma finally feels like she can leave me alone with Cooper for a few hours and left to have lunch with friends (much needed with the work load she has been shouldering) and Grandpa is running errands.  Cooper is slumbering in his pack and play, and I, having had the most restful night's sleep since I've been home, returned some phone calls, and am sitting down to do a little more blogging!
  This first week has been wonderful, and an adjustment....a wonderful adjustment. Since I am hardly mobile, and still quite sleepy (As in, as hard as I try, I find myself falling asleep during conversations, while helping Jaxon with something etc...) Grandma has earned "Grandma of the Century Award." She is NOT a fan or getting up early, but every morning when I come up with Cooper around 7, she us up and dressed, packing Jaxon's lunch and pumping him full of breakfast.  She takes him to school, comes home and does her regular duties, on top of helping me and Cooper with whatever we need, and then picks J up at 3 to come home to take care of homework, piano practice, dinner etc! She is Amazing, Wonderful. Kind. Generous. Thoughtful. Giving. Selfless. I mean really, I don't know how on earth this would be any sort of working out without Grandma. She's the glue in this wonderful adjustment!
  Cooper sleeps all day and all night when he's not eating...unless he's constipated. Poor kid, I passed on some pretty gorgeous dark hair to him...but also a propensity towards being constipated. DRAT! Sunday night he was up most of the night, just grunting and whining.  Since he's in our room, I couldn't sleep, and found that if I held him, he didn't really sleep, but at least he didn't whine and grunt.  I held him most of the night, but fell asleep a couple times which freaked me out! On Monday when we saw his Pediatrician for the first time, I told her he hadn't pood since we left the hospital and she suggested we switch formula, to Gerber which has probiotics, and also that I give him a half ounce of warm water. Sure enough, by Monday night he had had three of the foulest, stinkiest STINKIEST stinky diapers you can imagine. Good thing that kid is cute, because with those probiotics, and being formula fed, even Jaxon steers clear of him when he's got a stinker or is gassy! No worries though, because Monday night he slept like a champ!
  I have battled my own constipation issues, which have probably been the most difficult and painful of any part of my recovery.  Like I said, I won't go into detail, but if you use your imagination....it's probably worse that you can imagine.... enough said...
   We have a pack and play and a little bouncer seat upstairs for Cooper to nap in, and a bassinet downstairs in our room.  Unfortunately for Cooper, the pack and play with the bassinet attachment on top puts him right at Jaxon's hand level.  Jaxon can't leave the kid alone. I love that he loves him, but so far we haven't been able to get the point across that nap time is NO TOUCH TIME!  I can see how that would be hard, because nap time constitutes about 98% of the day.... sorry Jaxon.  Jaxon just loves to kiss him, rub his head, run his tummy, and "make his cheeks smile" since Cooper doesn't smile on his own yet.  We have tried to not be to mad about any of this and just give reminders, because this has all been such a big change for Jaxon.  Also, it's a little difficult when there is another family member that CANNOT LEAVE COOPER ALONE!  ---- GRANDPA!!!! Cooper will be slumbering peacefully in the pack and play and grandpa will come in and make a beeline straight towards him.  He will lean over and give him loud kisses and rub his head and whisper loudly what a good boy he is, how handsome he is, how happy we are that he is here... until Cooper starts to wiggle or sigh a little, at which point Grandpa says, "HE'S AWAKE!!!" and picks him up.  Since Cooper is so sleepy most of the time right now, it doesn't really matter if he gets picked up, or even woken up, but when he gets on a real nap schedule in a a month or two, we will have to nap him in a closed room, and both Jaxon and Grandpa will be schooled in the wrath they will invoke if they interrupt the "sacred" nap time!
  Don't let that previous paragraph fool you... Cooper naps just as often in is mama's arms as he does anywhere else, and I am loving it.  I'm pretty sure you can't spoil a newborn, and since 1. I was in such a bad place with Jaxon at this point, I didn't hold him much, and if I did, I have no memory of it, and 2. I don't know if there will be anymore babies for us....so I am going to love this Coop-a-loop as much as I want!!
  The bishopric came over to meet with Dave and I just to get to know us and also to give us a calling (yes they know our time in the ward is limited, and yes, they gave us a calling we can do while we are here, and no, I can't say what it is until we are sustained Sunday) and when they found out I was not just 9 days past having a baby ,but 9 days past a c-section, the Bishop said, "PLEASE don't tell our wives we came to visit you guys. They would be mad enough if they knew we were here 9 days after the baby, but we would never hear the end of it if they knew you had had a c-section!"  They are 3 really funny guys. They obviously love the Lord, the Ward, and take their callings very seriously, but they don't take THEMSELVES too seriously, and I really like them!! We had a 45 minute visit where we mostly just laughed the whole time- what a breath of fresh air!

Days 2 through 5 at the hospital

It is now 10 days past the birth of our sweet Cooper, so some of the hospital days run together, but over all, I had great nurses, and many wonderful visitors, and spent most of the time holding one of God's greatest gifts, while he slumbered peacefully with his gorgeous full lips pursed and his black hair curling against my arm.
  After my fainting issue I got some more food in my system, but was very scared to eat solid food.  I have very few memories from the hospital (and from my first month at home, but that is a story for another post) but a couple of the memories I do have revolve around the sheer agony of passing gas and trying to do a "number 2." Sorry folks, it's just the truth.  So I tried to eat soups, fruit, juice, pudding etc, but on about Wednesday night, I was starving and started eating regular food.  The whole time I was at the hospital- no number 2, so I was getting worried. (Rightfully so...but that's also another story...one of which probably will NOT get an in depth blog post...) 
  Late Monday night I got my catheter out and was cleared to walk to the bathroom by myself.  It was pretty dang painful to get into and out of bed with the incision, but with the IV fluids they were pumping into me, it was necessary.
  Dave stayed over night the first night, but didn't take a day off work until Friday when I got home.  (luckily Monday, the day Cooper was born, was Labor Day, and he had it off!) We had discussed this in detail, and I have some friends who are appalled that he didn't take the week of to be with me- but here's the truth of the situation-
1. I was at the hospital.  Two nurses were only a bell ring away. I was clearly going to be taken care of.
2. I had lots of visitors who came and went (and never overstayed their welcome) and when they weren't there, I was probably sleeping, so I didn't really need him to be there 24-7.
3.  It is Dave's busy season.  Dave is NOT a boat rocker. I mean NOT A BOAT ROCKER! Dave plays by the rules, by the book, end of story.  When he took a job with this firm 3 years ago his boss told him, "We just don't take time of during busy season."  His boss is the most wonderful kind man, and I can guarantee he would not mind at all if Dave had taken the whole week off to be with his brand new baby boy and his wife who just had a c-section. I could have pressed the issue and Dave could have had the time of, but it would have killed Dave.  As much as Dave would have liked to have been there, it just wasn't something you do, YOU DON'T TAKE TIME OF DURING BUSY SEASON.  As as side note, I took a couple amazing classes on personality types this summer at Aspen Grove from the maker of a famous personality test, and I learned SO SO SO SO MUCH about mine and Dave's personality types, and really so much about understanding Dave and his choices, the way he deals with things, and how to best let him be himself, show my love to him etc.  I learned that asking Dave to do something against the grain, is EXTREMELY PAINFUL for him. We are the exact opposite personality types, so I wouldn't bat an eyelash to run it by my boss if the roles were reversed, but that's not Dave, and I respected that.  It worked out totally fine. Dave was not going to stay the nights either, but after two nights at home, I asked him to stay at the hospital instead, which of course he did.
  Moving on.  Tuesday by myself (of course with lots of visitors) and I was still basking in my Cooper induced Euphoria.  NO POST PARTUM.  The fact that I was totally fine with Dave NOT being there speaks volumes about where my head, and my hormones were.  Cooper and I snoozed and snuggled, and he still latched like a champ.  The lactation consultant came and met with us, I told her my nursing history (or unfortunate lack-there-of) and she really gave me some great tips. The consultant checked my breasts, and I did have collostrum, so we were on the right track.  Really, nursing was the only thing in the back of my mind that was weighing slightly heavily. Trying and failing to nurse Jaxon was quite possibly one of the worst and most traumatic occurrences in my life.  But so far- so good!
  My mom and dad brought Jaxon by the hospital everyday on his way home from school, and usually right before or after dinner. He was so excited, and in love, and also REALLY loved visiting the cafeteria with Grandpa!  :o)
 I'm pretty sure Wednesday passed much like Tuesday. (Days...running together) I really loved when the pediatricians would come in and declare Cooper "Completely perfect" and hated when my OB would come in and push on my belly, OH MAN IT KILLS!!! 
  One interesting thing that happened was that the pediatrician was supposed to come Wednesday night between 5:30 and 6:30 after he finished at the office, and do Cooper's circumcision.  Dave wouldn't be back yet and I wanted someone to be with Coop...OTHER THAN ME, so my mom came to be with him.  Unfortunately the Dr. Carroll (Who I LOVE!) was running a little late...as in...he didn't come until 10 pm! Mom of course was long gone, and so was Dave.  I said several prayers for Coop and sent him off with some tears in my eyes.  20 or so minutes later the Dr. came back, without Cooper, and said the nurses would be bringing him back shortly, but that everything went great.  We chatted for few minutes about post-op care and he left. I waited very impatiently for Cooper to arrive, and another 20 minutes passed. I broke down and called the nurse's station, and my nurse headed in.  I asked where Cooper was and she casually said she had dropped him off in the nursery.  That made me almost sick with anxiety. Why? I don't know...I guess because I loved having him with me, I NEEDED him with me, and also he just had a little surgery, HE NEEDED HIS MOM TO COMFORT HIM!!!  I asked for her to please bring Cooper to me, and she, still not understanding that I was slightly hyperventilating inside, said, sure, she had some meds to drop off to some other rooms and would then go get him.  I asked, could I please just go get him right then?  She looked a little surprised and taken back, but said, ok.  I gingerly walked to the nursery and got my sweet boy, an I've never been so happy to see him.
  Thursday we had a bit of a difficult day.  Really, the only hard day we've had yet.  Starting in the Morning, Cooper refused to latch. He would shake his head and pull away and yelp (still at this point, not a big screamer or cryer) and wouldn't have anything to do with it. I just skipped that feeding but the same thing happened again in a few hours, and I think he was getting hungry, because my perfect little boy, was getting fussy. FUSSY? That was new!  I called the Lactation consultant and she came in and tried and tried but Cooper was NOT having it.  He was also getting slightly hysterical, and gave his first real cries since the moment after he was delivered.  It was breaking my heart, and bring back my nursing anxiety, and completely ruining my baby high!  She brought in all sorts of contraptions and got me set up with the tiny tubes that you tape to your breast while your baby breastfeeds. It tubes in a little formula, but is supposed to trick your baby so they don't know they are getting formula, they don't have to drink out of a bottle, and they don't stop latching.   That worked for one feeding, and he went to town, clearly he was hungry.  I calmed slightly, because he was fed, and my dream of nursing was still alive.  The next two feedings did not go well like the first and after the second attempt Cooper was out of his mind, screaming hysterically, and it took me a half hour to console him.  Anyone who knows/knew of my previous post-partum and feeding issues, will understand when I say that this situation put me completely on the edge. I was so sad, and mad, and worried, and angry. I was NOT going to let nursing ruin what was quickly becoming the best experience of my life, SO WHY WAS I FEELING SO GUILTY????  I was wracked with guilt.  It was all left over from my last experience. I tried to remind myself that after I got over my post partum with Jaxon, and from that point, I had decided that if I ever had another baby, that if the milk was not absolutely flowing freely from my breasts, that I would ditch nursing and never look back, and to H with a CAPITAL H to anyone who had anything to say about it.  So WHY WHY WHY was this killing me? I talked to a good friend, and Dave who both said, make the decision that I thought was best, pray about it, and go from there.  Cooper would not suffer if I didn't nurse, so if I  was suffering so bad, don't worry about it. 
  Cooper was clearly getting hungry and I was not about to try to put him to the breast again, so I fed him one of the little bottles of formula that I had been using to pipe milk into his nursing.  It went amazingly well, he ate the whole 2 ounces, and was perfectly content.  I talked to the lactation consultant and she wheeled in the big ol' pump machine, which again struck fear into my heart. That machine haunted me for 6 weeks after Jaxon was born, as I prayed, wished, begged, and hoped for it to make by breasts work.  It never did. 
  I prayed, thought, and came to a decision.  I was done nursing. I was not going to put myself or Cooper through it.  I was going to bottle feed, and pump, and if my milk supply came in, GREAT! I would pump as long as it was there, and I would just bottle feed him the breast milk.  I was immediately so much more calm and at peace, but still not without a lot of guilt about my decision.  I sobbed most of the next few hours, and thank heavens for a wonderful nurse, friend, and husband who all had a heart to heart with me to put my mind at ease.  I slept well that night as I was exhausted from my emotional day, and woke up with a much better outlook. I knew I made the right decision, and I was going to move forward.  I would just pump after Cooper ate, and every time got nothing from the left, and maybe 3 drops from the right. It was not very promising, and not making me really want to continue.  I decided I really wanted to try though, and kept at it.
   I can't think of much else of note that happened, just enjoyed my time with Coop, visits from family and friends, rested, and enjoyed ordering my meals and being taken care of.  I had to leave Friday, and although we could have stayed till the evening, I was ready to go after breakfast.  This again is a real testament to my mindset, because when we had to leave the hospital with Jaxon, and was literally sobbing, and nearly hysterical.  I would have probably stayed there for his entire first year had I been able.  This time I was ready to move on with my sweet family. I was missing seeing Jaxon and being there for him, and was ready to head HOME!  And by home, I mean my parents house where we are staying while we wait to hear on the house we put an offer on.  Knowing  I was coming home to my mom, who has a very tender spot for anyone who has a c-section (she had 5!!!!) and that she was ready to take care of me, I was completely at peace, and excited to move on. 
  Friday morning was literally POURING RAIN!  We put Cooper in his car seat for the first time, and I love and am in awe of that moment, where you are reminded again how tiny this precious little baby is, when they are barely a tiny little lump in the bottom of the already tiny car seat!  Dave loaded the car, then brought it around and we headed home to our new adventure!  Sitting down on the couch at home with my angel baby felt just perfect. Perfectly perfect. More to come-

Monday September 3rd, 2012- COOPER DAY!!!

Our sweet Cooper is now 9 days old, and sitting at the computer is still very uncomfortable, but I need to start writing down my memories before I forget!
(disclaimer, every picture in this post, and every picture taken at the hospital for that matter, was taken on a cell phone! Who has time for a real camera when there is a Cooper to hold???)

The night before Cooper Came-

Just before we left for the hospital- about 5am Monday September 3rd-

 Monday morning at 5:30 am we arrived at Banner Gateway. I can honestly say I arrived with no trepidation.  I was so excited, and a little anxious, but no fear.  It was amazing.  They had to stick me three times to get my IV in, and I think I scared one nurse to death after she couldn't find a vain, but we got through it. 

We got our first sweet surprise when Dave's parents called at 6:30am to say that they just couldn't wait to meet our sweet boy, and that they had left in the wee hours of the morning to drive from Vegas to Mesa.  They were more than halfway, and would arrive a couple hours after Cooper was born.  I was so completely touched and thrilled. They would only be able to stay for a few hours and would have to leave in the early afternoon to get back for their work the next day in the temple.  I hope that I have mentioned several time before on this blog, but I absolutely married into the most wonderful family on the planet.  Everyone of my in laws is so kind, and loving, and fun, and thoughtful, and WONDERFUL!!!  I was so looking forward to them being able to share a little of this wonderful day with us!  After being prepped for a few hours I was wheeled into the OR where I was given the Spinal by the Nurse Anesthetist.  Wish it had been the actual anesthesiologist, who was holding me from the front and helping me stay calm.  She had to stick me a few times, and every time she "mis-stuck" felt like a lightening bolt to my spine! OUCH!
  Dave was not allowed to be in the room for my spinal, which made me sad, and as soon as it was done, I asked about 10 times when he would be allowed to come in.  They continued to reassure me that they would not "start without him" but I was completely numb, prepped, the "tent" to block mine and Dave's view was up, my arms were strapped down, and they were ready to rock by the time they let him back in! 
  I really really hate the sensation of a c-section.  There is no pain, but you can feel all the pressure and feeling of things going on, and the tugging, the hands inside my body, it's awful.  During Jaxon's c-section it was so awful I threw up several times, but this time I was able to keep it together.
  After a few minutes of tugging and cutting and pressure here and there, they had finally cut through to Cooper!!! He wasn't out yet, but Dr. Huish's first words were, "WOW! Look at that head of hair!" It made me so happy that my Cooper was about to come out of my belly and into the world, and hearing that made it so real, and made my smile from ear to ear...with tears in my eyes. Like Jaxon it took quite a lot to get him out, because he was pretty big, and incredibly high. 
  As soon as I felt the pressure release and he was out, he let out a squall to beat all!  All the doctors and nurses laughed and said they were glad to not be the ones in recovery with him the next few days. (Which is funny, because I don't think he has screamed like that again since!...I take it back...he has once...but more on that later!)  They immediately showed him to Dave and I and he was just as beautiful as I had dreamed he would be. The most gorgeous dark LONG hair covered his head, and he was perfectly plump, with the sweetest face!  They got him cleaned up, told us he was 8 pounds 5 ounces and 19.5 inches long.  A tad bit smaller than Jaxon, but also a week earlier.  His head circumference was 15 inches, only half inch smaller than Jaxon's, and still HUGE for baby standards! The sweet nurse brought him around and held him with his head on my chest and his body by my head for about 2-3 minutes while they started my stitch up. No one did anything like that with Jaxon's delivery, and it meant the world to me! Tears of pure joy streamed from my eyes as I had my first conversation with my new son. He was quiet as can be and just looked me straight in the eyes.  I lost my heart to him in that moment.

Cooper's first ever picture- in the OR recovery room-

  Dave left with Cooper and the nurse to get little C all cleaned up, and do whatever else they do, and about 20 minutes later I joined them.  Having not been through 29 hours of labor (as I had with Jaxon) I was much more lucid, and I have clear memories of the rest of the day. I could not get enough of my sweet boy, but couldn't hold him yet because I was still too numb.  He was quiet as a mouse and only did a little grunting and mewling.  He was absolutely perfect.  We soon left the OR recovery room and were wheeled to our home for the next 5 days. YES- 5!!! I love the hospital and being taken care of, and I stayed as long as they would let me!  Once in the recovery room Dave held Cooper near me so we could both stare at him, and after about an hour, Dave's parents, and my parents and Jaxon all came in at the same time.  Jaxon was amazed and smitten, and first thing Dave took Jaxon and Cooper in his arms, and he and Jaxon sang happy birthday to Cooper.  That is something that Dave did for Jaxon right when he was born, and when Jaxon heard that, he has been planning for months that he would help Dave be the first ever to sing happy birthday to Cooper.  It was a perfectly sweet moment.  Perfectly perfect.

Jaxon holds Cooper for the first time...do you think he's a little excited???

  Everyone took their turns holding Cooper, falling quickly in love, and losing their hearts, and it was so special.  The afternoon flew by with some funny happenings.  Turns out Jaxon is very protective and Territorial of HIS little brother, and either wanted to be holding him, or me or Dave holding him, but NOT his grandparents! Several times he tried to get me to take Cooper so that Grandma or Grandpa Rogers couldn't hold him (they were trying to get their fill before they had to leave) It was very sweet. Mom and Dad Ferrell took Jaxon home for a while, and we said goodbye to Mom and Dad Rogers.  It wasn't a very sad farewell, because it had been so wonderful to be able to see them, and for them to be able to see Cooper at all! did I mention HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM????!!!!
  The afternoon and evening passed with me loving and holding Cooper pretty much the whole time, and our first attempt at nursing, which was WILDLY SUCCESSFUL!!! He latched great on both sides, and everything in that department seemed to be going in the right direction.

Mom and Cooper- first picture together!

  Mom and Dad brought Jaxon back and again, and he just kept saying, with a little wonder in his voice, "Cooper is just so precious!"  It was so sweet.  Before he had to leave with Grandma and Grandpa he took Dave aside and told him that he and Dave should bring Cooper home right them.  Dave said, "Well mom has to stay in the hospital."
 Jaxon said, "I know, I'm just saying to bring Cooper home, mom can stay here!" 
Dave said, "But Jaxon, Mom has the milk!"
To which Jaxon did not skip a beat, marched over to me and said, "Mom, can you give Dad the recipe for formula??" 
Oh my word we got a good laugh out of that!  We explained that mom and Cooper would be staying in the hospital TOGETHER for the whole week, and Jaxon was anything but impressed.  We sent him home with G & G, and we are so lucky to have them.  Not a worry in the world to send my first son away with them.

Cooper doing what he does best- SNOOZE!!

  Later that night my two nurses came in and it was time for my first trip out of the bed. My spinal and worn off and I needed to be "cleaned up." I could feel that I was sitting in a puddle of my own blood (still had a catheter in though) They helped he to the toilet and to get out of all my clothes.  They got me changed into clean robes, and had helped me stand up to walk back to bed.  The next thing I knew I was sitting on the toilet with a smelling salts under my nose and 4 nurses calling my name.  Turns out I had passed out and they had rushed two more nurses in with smelling salts.  When I came to, they had a wheel chair for me to get back to bed, and were all giving me instructions like, "listen to my voice, don't look down, if we sound like we are in tunnel, let us know" etc.  All 4 nurses stood me up, and next thing I know, I was on the toilet with smelling salts again. BAH!  I was very disoriented, and just wished everyone would stop saying my name and putting that garbage under my nose.  They gave me the same pep talk as before, and finally got me into the wheel chair.  They wheeled me to bed and got me back in there as well.  Dave had watched the whole thing, and said it been pretty scary, especially the first time I was out, which "seemed like forever"  I guess it was pretty long because it was long enough for them to call for more nurses and smelling salts and get all 4 of them in the bathroom with me.  It kinda freaked me out as well, and Dave said I kept asking him about exactly what had happened several times.  I had only had a glass of juice, and a chocolate pudding all day, plus all the blood lost during my c-section, and then throughout the rest of the day... no wonder I passed out! 
  The one thing that I will remember from this day over anything else, is that I had no anxiety. No post-partum, and no fear of my sweet new baby.  This was completely different from Jaxon's birth, and I could not believe how much I adored this baby, and needed him with me. Throughout the week I did not send him to the nursery once (which is where Jaxon spent almost all his time) and Held him in my arms as absolutely much as  I could. I could tell my experience was going to be so different this time around, and have offered up more prayers of thanksgiving than I can count for this amazing new feeling. 

Quite possible my favorite picture of all time...or at least...in a long time-

  I have to add, that talking about post partum is not something a lot of women do, and it's too bad. But re-reading what I just wrote makes me understand it a little better.  I didn't/don't love Cooper anymore than I loved Jaxon, and it's important to me to make that clear. But because of the lack of crazy anxiety/post partum, I was able to completely enjoy him in a way I never knew was possible.   9 days later, and I am still basking in my completely unabashed adoration of him. 
  This is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Absolutely perfect.