I DID IT!!!!!

The Race!

The Half Marathon!

THAT'S RIGHT--- HALF MARATHON!!!!

I DID IT!

IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO HARD!!

IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!

Okay, I will take the Caps lock off now! I can't believe it's done and over with, and I can't believe I did it! I am very good at setting goals...and not so good at following them through.

After my freakout/hit the wall/ anxiety attack, my nervousness about this race skyrocketed to a whole new level. It went from being nervous about running for so long, to being VERY VERY PETRIFIED about my mental health during the race. If I knew for sure that I was going to have another breakdown like that, I absolutely wouldn't have run. I NEVER want to go to THAT place again. So I was super nervous.

Last Tuesday, before Jax and I left for Vegas (whole different story...) Sherry and I were supposed to run 7 miles. I was very nervous because it was my first "long-ish" run after "the episode" (That is how I will refer to my freak out from now on...) I was really nervous, and when I woke up at 5:30 to go meet Sherry to Run, I felt awful. I had no idea if it was stress, flu, anxiety, mental, physical, real, perceived, but I knew I couldn't run. At this point I knew Sherry was pretty concerned that I was not even going to run the race with her at all. She never said anything, but I could tell. I drove to Sherry's house thinking I will just power through, I can do it. When I walked to the door I knew I actually couldn't do it. I was so mortified. I knocked on Sherry's door at 5:30 am....to tell her I couldn't run, and that I didn't even know if it was because I was sick in the body, or sick in the head. Sherry was getting pretty sketical about my current commitment to racing!

In Vegas Dave, Jaxon and I all got very sick, so at least I knew that it wasn't a mental thing that kept me from running Tuesday morning, but now I had a hacking bronchial cough to get over in a week!

The week of the race we had two very short 3 mile runs and that's all. On Monday I coughed so hard that I gagged/threw up/dry heaved pretty much the whole three miles. I know at this point Sherry was pretty certain I was not going to run.

THEN!

Then I broke the news to her that I forgot to register online and missed the deadline! I would have to register the morning of the race. She knew it. That was the last straw. I was bailing and just hadn't had the guts to tell her yet.

Friday I was ALL NERVES! Jaxon and I left the house and spent the day at my parents house. He was entertained, and I could watch mindless television all day and not think about it. Sherry and I made our final plans for the next morning and I could hear the skepticism in her voice...why was I making plans I was going to bail on???
Friday night Dave gave me the most amazing blessing. That's what I love about my church! I can ask Dave for a blessing, and he can give it to me! It was amazing, and addressed all my fears that I hadn't even talked to him about, and I knew that Dave, Heavenly Father, Sherry, and everyone else that knew how much this meant to me....they were ALL wanting me to succeed!

Saturday morning Sherry picked me up and I was ready. The morning went by in a blur (and we were really glad to see Rachel and Donnie in the potty line, or we wouldn't have made the start time!) The race started, and off we went.
We had been running for quite a while (I thought) and I thought to myself, they must not have all the miles marked, because we have got to be almost at the two mile mark! About 3 minutes later we passed the 1 MILE MARK, and I thought, "Holy crap. I'm in trouble!" Same thing happened at the 2 mile, and the 3 mile mark, and then somehow I got into the groove. Sherry and I talked our heads off the entire time, and for the first time in ALL of our runs, we never ran out of stuff to say! We had even made a list which I carried in my pocket of any and all possible topics should we have a dry spell, and we never even pulled it out! from mile 3-10 I didn't really care about the mile markers, and I got teary every time I saw one of the posters with the beautiful children with their bald heads telling me "Cancer is hard, running is EASY! KEEP GOING FOR ME!" It was hard to feel to bad for myself as we read these!

At mile 10 I realized- I am actually going to make it! I'm not going to have a mental breakdown...but what about physically? Can I do this? It got very hard for me physically. I didn't tell Sherry because I didn't even want to speak one negative word, I did want to trigger an "episode" Sherry kept running, and I kept running. I just put one foot in front of the other and kept talking!

At about mile 12 there started to be A LOT of people, kids, families etc cheering the runners on, and I got teary, and it never let up. I was about to achieve my goal.

It was so hard. SO HARD. And I was going to accomplish it. About about mile 12.7 the entire Queen Creek football team was on the sideline and cheered for everyone personally. I started fully crying. I cannot explain my emotions, but I was so incredibly happy. (and tired...but mostly happy.) The last stretch, probably the last .3 miles, the sidelines were packed with cheering family and friends. I didn't know a one of them, and it didn't matter. They were cheering me on, and I fully sobbed.

This didn't really go well with my ragged breathing after running 13 miles, and I had a very hard time breathing! About 50 yards from the finish line we saw Sherry's family, and a few feet later I saw Dave and Jaxon at the finish line! IT WAS ONE OF THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE!

(crying, weezing, and smiling!)

We finished!

I DID IT!
And my two boys were there to see it!


Sherry Gave me a huge hug (which is a big deal for her!) and then our friends Rachel and Donnie found us and they all made me feel so good. They all 3 knew how much this meant to me, and talked me and my accomplishment up, and I will forever be grateful for what it added to the moment!

We checked our time, and it was almost a minute per mile faster than I had expected! (Don't worry, it was still PRETTY SLOW,) but I didn't care one bit! I'm afraid to say though-- it made me think, "Man, how do these other people run SO FAST? I could never keep it up!" But then I thought, "Hey, their fast running let them run this race in an hour less time than me...there is definately something to be said for THAT!" Translation- there is a chance that one day I will run another half marathon!

I have to say, as I was running that last .5 and everyone was cheering me on, acknowledging my accomplishment and keeping me going, I waxed a little thoughtful. I just thought, what if we were always this happy and supportive of each other ALL THE TIME?? What if we could really relish in our successes, and not be embarrassed to be proud of ourselves and the great things we do? What if people told us ALL THE TIME, how great they thought we were, how much they thought of us? I'm telling you, I think we would be unstoppable. It's not that we don't think it. I am surrounded my the most amazing, talented, beautiful, thoughtful, kind, funny women, but I just don't tell them often enough! I am going to try to do this more. And I am also going to start acknowledging my own accomplishments, big and small. We don't need to boast or brag, but we can feel really good about the things we do!

I have to say a big thank you to Sherry, who in all honesty could have easily been training for a full marathon with any number of our friends who were training. She kept me going and never once made me feel like I was holding her back. There is no way I could have or would have done this race without her encouragement and help every step! Seriously Sherry, thank you to the best GSC PRESIDENT a girl could ever know!