Good Answer!
"....so sharks wouldn't eat their feet off!!!"
That seems like a feasible answer to me...
A visit to the dentist and a whole lotta LIES!



I DID IT!!!!!

IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOO HARD!!
IT WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WORTH IT!
Okay, I will take the Caps lock off now! I can't believe it's done and over with, and I can't believe I did it! I am very good at setting goals...and not so good at following them through.
After my freakout/hit the wall/ anxiety attack, my nervousness about this race skyrocketed to a whole new level. It went from being nervous about running for so long, to being VERY VERY PETRIFIED about my mental health during the race. If I knew for sure that I was going to have another breakdown like that, I absolutely wouldn't have run. I NEVER want to go to THAT place again. So I was super nervous.
THEN!
Then I broke the news to her that I forgot to register online and missed the deadline! I would have to register the morning of the race. She knew it. That was the last straw. I was bailing and just hadn't had the guts to tell her yet.
Friday I was ALL NERVES! Jaxon and I left the house and spent the day at my parents house. He was entertained, and I could watch mindless television all day and not think about it. Sherry and I made our final plans for the next morning and I could hear the skepticism in her voice...why was I making plans I was going to bail on???
Friday night Dave gave me the most amazing blessing. That's what I love about my church! I can ask Dave for a blessing, and he can give it to me! It was amazing, and addressed all my fears that I hadn't even talked to him about, and I knew that Dave, Heavenly Father, Sherry, and everyone else that knew how much this meant to me....they were ALL wanting me to succeed!
Saturday morning Sherry picked me up and I was ready. The morning went by in a blur (and we were really glad to see Rachel and Donnie in the potty line, or we wouldn't have made the start time!) The race started, and off we went.
We had been running for quite a while (I thought) and I thought to myself, they must not have all the miles marked, because we have got to be almost at the two mile mark! About 3 minutes later we passed the 1 MILE MARK, and I thought, "Holy crap. I'm in trouble!" Same thing happened at the 2 mile, and the 3 mile mark, and then somehow I got into the groove. Sherry and I talked our heads off the entire time, and for the first time in ALL of our runs, we never ran out of stuff to say! We had even made a list which I carried in my pocket of any and all possible topics should we have a dry spell, and we never even pulled it out! from mile 3-10 I didn't really care about the mile markers, and I got teary every time I saw one of the posters with the beautiful children with their bald heads telling me "Cancer is hard, running is EASY! KEEP GOING FOR ME!" It was hard to feel to bad for myself as we read these!
It was so hard. SO HARD. And I was going to accomplish it. About about mile 12.7 the entire Queen Creek football team was on the sideline and cheered for everyone personally. I started fully crying. I cannot explain my emotions, but I was so incredibly happy. (and tired...but mostly happy.) The last stretch, probably the last .3 miles, the sidelines were packed with cheering family and friends. I didn't know a one of them, and it didn't matter. They were cheering me on, and I fully sobbed.


We finished!
And my two boys were there to see it!

Sherry Gave me a huge hug (which is a big deal for her!) and then our friends Rachel and Donnie found us and they all made me feel so good. They all 3 knew how much this meant to me, and talked me and my accomplishment up, and I will forever be grateful for what it added to the moment!

We checked our time, and it was almost a minute per mile faster than I had expected! (Don't worry, it was still PRETTY SLOW,) but I didn't care one bit! I'm afraid to say though-- it made me think, "Man, how do these other people run SO FAST? I could never keep it up!" But then I thought, "Hey, their fast running let them run this race in an hour less time than me...there is definately something to be said for THAT!" Translation- there is a chance that one day I will run another half marathon!
I have to say, as I was running that last .5 and everyone was cheering me on, acknowledging my accomplishment and keeping me going, I waxed a little thoughtful. I just thought, what if we were always this happy and supportive of each other ALL THE TIME?? What if we could really relish in our successes, and not be embarrassed to be proud of ourselves and the great things we do? What if people told us ALL THE TIME, how great they thought we were, how much they thought of us? I'm telling you, I think we would be unstoppable. It's not that we don't think it. I am surrounded my the most amazing, talented, beautiful, thoughtful, kind, funny women, but I just don't tell them often enough! I am going to try to do this more. And I am also going to start acknowledging my own accomplishments, big and small. We don't need to boast or brag, but we can feel really good about the things we do!
I have to say a big thank you to Sherry, who in all honesty could have easily been training for a full marathon with any number of our friends who were training. She kept me going and never once made me feel like I was holding her back. There is no way I could have or would have done this race without her encouragement and help every step! Seriously Sherry, thank you to the best GSC PRESIDENT a girl could ever know!
Help! Can you answer my question? And, random thoughts
2. Since I've been preparing for the race (this Saturday) I have been slacking on the gym. Mostly the long runs take it out of me, and I'm "saving my legs" I miss the gym and plan to go back next week.
I've noticed that my day feels like it has no direction when I don't go to the gym. When I go to the gym I'm up and at 'em early, I work out, then I'm out and about to do some errands. I feel like I accomplish something!
Yesterday I didn't go the gym, and Jaxon and I did a little of this and a little of that. I got tons done at home, played a lot with J, did lots of school stuff with him, and got lots of help from him around that house. We had so much fun together, and were productive to boot! I made homemade dinner, AND did the dishes before Dave got home. All in all a really successful day.
BUT!
But...darn Satan. All day I had some anxiety like, "I really need to DO something! Like, a REAL something!" What the heck? I did so much. It was a fantastic day with Jaxon and the house looks great (comparatively speaking...) I can really feel the worldly side of me telling me to get out and do something, go some where, get out of the house. It's so counter intuitive. I DID do something. I DID accomplish a lot yesterday. This is something I really want to work on this year. Especially as it's my last year without J in school everyday. Does anyone else feel this way...or is it just me?
I want to remember
Then there are mornings like today- when he sleepily ambles in with his Buzz Lightyear pajamas that are too short at the ankles and wrists, with his hair sticking out at all angles, and climbs into my lap for a morning snuggle. I remember. He's not so big, and he'll always be my baby.
I want to remember this morning.
Running
I love that I am doing it. It is something I always envied of other people and never thought I would be able to do. I love that I am achieving goals I never thought possible. I love how I feel when I get home and can tell Dave, " I just ran ___ Miles!" That feeling never gets old!
The things I hate...well...I really don't like running long distances. I found this out in the last few weekends as the training schedule for the half marathon I'm running dictated a 8 mile, then 10 mile, then 11 mile, then 12 mile, then 9 mile run. Next week is a 7 miler...we are tapering down to prepare for the race.
Let me tell you a little secret...I RUN REALLY SLOW AND I DON'T CARE!
It's not about how fast I run, to me its about how far I ran.
But....as the distances get longer, my pace get's significantly slower. So...running 12 miles takes me about 138 minutes, or 2 hours and 18 minutes. (that's an 11.5 minute mile in case you were wondering...and that's not even the slowest pace I've ever run...) So...while it's awesome to say I ran 12 miles...it's just not that awesome to run for 2 hours and 18 minutes...without stopping.
Anyway, I have done it. They are done. Completed. It's a moral and physical victory.
Yesterday we had a 9 mile run. 9 miles is nothing to sneeze at, but it is 3 miles and 33 minutes shorter than 12 miles, so thats a bonus.
BUT....
Yesterday I hit a wall. I'm serious. Only now do I understand that expression...because although it sounds kinda corny...there are no actual words to describe what happened to me. It was a mental wall, not physical. Physically I could have just finished running the last 2 of my 9 miles. Mentally- serious problems.
I don't know why it happened, or what was different but I do know that I'm really glad my running partner was there, or I would still be sobbing by the banks of the canal, and Jaxon would still be at music class!
At mile 7 my mind started racing with crazy negative thoughts. About me, about running, about my incapabilities, and mostly about how I was done, and I absolutely COULDN'T GO ON! I fought it for mile 7.
During mile 8 I told Sherry we needed to start talking again (talking generally becomes much more sporadic after about mile 7) becuase I was in a really bad place in my head. So we tried to chat, but I wasn't there mentally, and then...the tears started.
At The beginning of Mile 9 when we crossed the road and we knew we only had a mile left, that should have really lifted me up. Instead I stopped running and started crying. I was going to sit down by the canal and make Sherry finish running and come pick me up so I could just sit and cry.
CRY!
CRY?
Why on earth was I crying? Why was I telling myself what a stupid, idiotic, non-running slob I was and that I had no business ever trying to run in the first place? I DON'T KNOW! Sherry pulled me (literally pulled my arm and wouldn't let go to make me start moving) So for that last mile I cried, and listened as Sherry talked non stop (which she normally does NOT do) to keep my mind occupied. Several times I just stopped running and she pulled me and made me start again. Once we got to the car...things started looking normal again. The negative talk in my head stopped, and my body was okay.
I seriously have no idea what happened out there, but I didn't like it. I am excited to run my half and check it off my Bucket List, but then I think I'm going to stick with 6 and under for a while.
Just sayin'
Just a Monday...
Jaxon and I RARELY stay home much....and we ALMOST NEVER stay home ALL day. I always thought it had to do with my nervous/anxiety prone personality which gives me the constant need to be BUSY, and interacting with other people. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this is a large part of it, but I discovered today, that there is more.
I had SO MUCH to do around the house. For example- I had 4 presents from Christmas still sitting on the living room floor that hadn't been taken our of the boxes and used/put away. We are in the process of moving all of Jaxon's toys, videos, etc.etc. upstairs to the loft, and converting the downstairs into a bit more of an "adult space" (not "Adult" space...come on now!) so there is TONS to be moved, sorted, throw out etc.
So, after a quick jaunt to the gym, pick something up at my sister's house (The most delicious homemade granola EVER!), a 45 minute music class, and a stop at the Ranch Market, we were home by about 11:15 and ready to work.
Here's the "more" to my dislike of staying at home. I had LIGIT stuff to do ALL DAY. Thus, for most of the day I couldn't sit down and play go-fish, Shoots and ladders, Operation, Wii, Angry Birds, Legos, Blocks, Swords, trampoline etc. Well Jaxon doesn't mind that much, as long as HE can be doing something "electronic" (Wii, computer games, Ipod touch, or watching a video) and seriously, I don't blame the kid. It's not so fun to play swords with yourself, build legos that you not yet able to follow the directions, jump on the trampoline alone, challenge yourself to a rousing game of Go-Fish...etc. etc. etc.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???? I don't want him glued to the electronics all day, but in truth it's just not fun to play alone. This then plays on my saddness and guilt that he doesn't have a sibling, and I feel doubley bad.
I had him help me A LOT, but there are some things he can't do. I stopped to play/read/build/jump A LOT, but I had to get some work done. I made him "play" toys A LITTLE, but it's boring.
What's a mom to do?
This is not old school Jaxon. This is new school Jaxon at our family pictures in November- Fake smile and all!


