Running

I have a love/hate relationship with running.

I love that I am doing it.  It is something I always envied of other people and never thought I would be able to do.  I love that I am achieving goals I never thought possible.  I love how I feel when I get home and can tell Dave, " I just ran ___ Miles!"  That feeling never gets old!

  The things I hate...well...I really don't like running long distances.  I found this out in the last few weekends as the training schedule for the half marathon I'm running dictated a 8 mile, then 10 mile, then 11 mile, then 12 mile, then 9 mile run.  Next week is a 7 miler...we are tapering down to prepare for the race. 

  Let me tell you a little secret...I RUN REALLY SLOW AND I DON'T CARE! 
It's not about how fast I run, to me its about how far I ran.

But....as the distances get longer, my pace get's significantly slower.  So...running 12 miles takes me about 138 minutes, or 2 hours and 18 minutes.  (that's an 11.5 minute mile in case you were wondering...and that's not even the slowest pace I've ever run...) So...while it's awesome to say I ran 12 miles...it's just not that awesome to run for 2 hours and 18 minutes...without stopping.

Anyway, I have done it.  They are done. Completed. It's a moral and physical victory. 

Yesterday we had a 9 mile run.  9 miles is nothing to sneeze at, but it is 3 miles and 33 minutes shorter than 12 miles, so thats a bonus.

BUT....

Yesterday I hit a wall.  I'm serious. Only now do I understand that expression...because although it sounds kinda corny...there are no actual words to describe what happened to me.  It was a mental wall, not physical.  Physically I could have just finished running the last 2 of my 9 miles. Mentally- serious problems.
I don't know why it happened, or what was different but I do know that I'm really glad my running partner was there, or I would still be sobbing by the banks of the canal, and Jaxon would still be at music class!
 
At mile 7 my mind started racing with crazy negative thoughts. About me, about running, about my incapabilities, and mostly about how I was done, and I absolutely COULDN'T GO ON!  I fought it for mile 7.

 During mile 8 I told Sherry we needed to start talking again (talking generally becomes much more sporadic after about mile 7) becuase I was in a really bad place in my head.  So we tried to chat, but I wasn't there mentally, and then...the tears started. 

At The beginning of Mile 9 when we crossed the road and we knew we only had a mile left, that should have really lifted me up. Instead I stopped running and started crying. I was going to sit down by the canal and make Sherry finish running and come pick me up so I could just sit and cry.

CRY!

CRY?

Why on earth was I crying? Why was I telling myself what a stupid, idiotic, non-running slob I was and that I had no business ever trying to run in the first place?  I DON'T KNOW!  Sherry pulled me (literally pulled my arm and wouldn't let go to make me start moving) So for that last mile I cried, and listened as Sherry talked non stop (which she normally does NOT do) to keep my mind occupied.  Several times I just stopped running and she pulled me and made me start again.  Once we got to the car...things started looking normal again. The negative talk in my head stopped, and my body was okay. 

I seriously have no idea what happened out there, but I didn't like it. I am excited to run my half and check it off my Bucket List, but then I think I'm going to stick with 6 and under for a while.

Just sayin'

Just a Monday...

Sometimes, nothing too interesting happens around here, and Jaxon just says normally funny and quirky things, and not extremely funny and quirky things.  Those (these) are the days that I think, no blog today.  But then I get out of the habit, so here are some "Just a Monday" thoughts from me...please feel free to stop reading, or just let your mind wander...

   Jaxon and I RARELY stay home much....and we ALMOST NEVER stay home ALL day.  I always thought it had to do with my nervous/anxiety prone personality which gives me the constant need to be BUSY, and interacting with other people. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure this is a large part of it, but I discovered today, that there is more. 
  I had SO MUCH to do around the house. For example- I had 4 presents from Christmas still sitting on the living room floor that hadn't been taken our of the boxes and used/put away.  We are in the process of moving all of Jaxon's toys, videos, etc.etc. upstairs to the loft, and converting the downstairs into a bit more of an "adult space" (not "Adult" space...come on now!) so there is TONS to be moved, sorted, throw out etc.
  So, after a quick jaunt to the gym, pick something up at my sister's house (The most delicious homemade granola EVER!), a 45 minute music class, and a stop at the Ranch Market, we were home by about 11:15 and ready to work. 
  Here's the "more" to my dislike of staying at home. I had LIGIT stuff to do ALL DAY.  Thus, for most of the day I couldn't sit down and play go-fish, Shoots and ladders, Operation, Wii, Angry Birds, Legos, Blocks, Swords, trampoline etc.  Well Jaxon doesn't mind that much, as long as HE can be doing something "electronic" (Wii, computer games, Ipod touch, or watching a video) and seriously, I don't blame the kid. It's not so fun to play swords with yourself, build legos that you not yet able to follow the directions, jump on the trampoline alone, challenge yourself to a rousing game of Go-Fish...etc. etc. etc.
 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO????  I don't want him glued to the electronics all day, but in truth it's just not fun to play alone.  This then plays on my saddness and guilt that he doesn't have a sibling, and I feel doubley bad. 
  I had him help me A LOT, but there are some things he can't do.  I stopped to play/read/build/jump A LOT, but I had to get some work done.  I made him "play" toys A LITTLE, but it's boring.

 What's a mom to do?

This is not old school Jaxon. This is new school Jaxon at our family pictures in November- Fake smile and all!

Dad will probably win.

Jaxon is the worlds #1 best staller.  I gave him the tiniest portion of black bean soup for dinner tonight (becuase he had already eaten an apple, two pieces of toast, a string cheese, and a fruit snacks, which I was totally okay with) and he had to eat it.  He stalled for I don't even know how long, and I had HAD IT!  After dinner we would still have had about an hour of family time before bed time, and I got so mad that I told Jaxon that if he didn't finish his soup in 3 minutes, Dave and I were going to play Shoots and Ladders without him.

  Without missing a beat, I mean, seriously the very next second, and without even looking up from the spoonful of soup he was glaring at, Jaxon says,

"Dad will probably win."


Here's another old school Jax for your viewing pleasure!

Jaxon Tells Jokes

Jaxon is really into telling jokes that he makes up himself. The jokes make no sense, but since Dave and I are adoring parents, and he has no older siblings to squash his budding talent, we laugh like maniacs at all the nonsensical jokes he tells.
Tonight Jaxon told a joke that I thought was hysterical!

"Dad, if you were a chicken, your name would be Chicken-Stein, you know...like FRANKENSTEIN, but CHICKENSTEIN, cause you're a CHICKEN! GET IT? CHICKEN? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Come on, you laughed!

PS- Here's an oldie but goodie....just because I think he's so darn cute!

Check one off the BUCKET LIST!

  I don't know why, but a few weeks ago Dave I and were talking about our Bucket lists.  I'm happy to say that I lead a fairly happy and fulfilling life, therefore,  there aren't too many life shattering things I feel I HAVE To do before I die.  I've had a lot of really cool, unique, lucky, and blessed opportunities....so most of my bucket list items weren't that big...in fact my number 1. and number 2...Dave totally laughed at! 
  So later that week I told my dear friend (and running partner) about my bucket list items to see if they were as absurd as Dave thought!  Well...she laughed too...but not so much at me, as at the items!
  Fast forward...today (Wed. the 5th) Sherry took me out for a my birthday lunch.  We had the most delicious and healthy meal at Pomegranates, a whole and raw foods restaurant.....for anyone who thinks it's impossible to eat healthy, and eat deliciously...go to POMEGRANATES and be prepared to be proven WRONG!!!! Anywho, after lunch  we went to our big SECRET activity---

MY BUCKET LIST NUMBER ONE!!!

I GOT TO DRIVE A SMART CAR!!!!!
(Are you, like Dave and Sherry, laughing at my bucket list???? It's okay, I don't mind a bit!!!)

Unfortunately, you have to take one of their employees with you, and since there is no backseat, Sherry had to wait at the dealership for us to finish.  Mr Smart Car Man drove first, and showed me how the "Automatic Manual" transmission works...(Don't worry, no shifting necessary!) then we pulled over in a deserted, partially hidden, darkish parking lot behind a Fry's to switch places.  If he hadn't seemed like an upstanding young chap, the whole thing would have been a little creepy...
  So, I got behind the wheel, and VIOLA!!! Bucket list #1- DONE!  It was very roomy, and sits quite high up! You can't actually tell your driving a puney little car at all! 

  Well, Sherry had directions to bucket list #2....but unfortunately I had to be back to be home when Jaxon got home from Preschool, and we ran out of time to make it to the Segway Store, to test drive a SEGWAY!

  Now come on, isn't that the coolest birthday present ever? 

PS- when we were getting ready to take our test drive, we were headed for a sensible little  blue Smart Car, and Sherry said to Mr. Smart Car, "REALLY?  She can't Drive the HELLO KITTY one parked out front?"
Mr. Young Chap said, "Sure!" and went and got those keys!

 What a memorable birthday, and guess what? I still have a delicious, delicious, DELICIOUS raw chocolate macaroon to eat later!

THANKS SHERRY!

Although no words are really necessary....

I will say a few....

Jaxon saw me working on some clients pictures in Photoshop, and got the jist...that it could be a lot of fun!!!  We spend almost an hour making monsters out of everyone we know and love, but these were his very favorites!

Overheard in Preschool Carpool

(THE SCENE:  Jaxon showing Brailyn his missing tooth....)

Jaxon:  "I lost my tooth!"

Brailyn: (sadly)  "WOW!  I never even lost one tooth!"

J: "Has anyone ever knocked one out? That's what happened to me. My cousin knocked it out."

B: (sadly) "No...no one has ever knocked one of my teeth out."

J: " Well...maybe my cousin would knock one of your teeth out for you!"

B: "Maybe....that would be so so great!"

Seriously, I love these kids!